RulesGuidelines to Living with LOTR and POTC
by ElvenWarrior9
Summary: It's just what the title says, the rules and guidelines for living with LOTR and POTC characters. Prepare to laugh. 8-D Rating: K just in case
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! Okay so my friends Emily and Melody and I write fanfiction together with our characters and the various adventures they go on, but we also write about random things that happen in "real life" with movie characters. Also, I saw a really cool fanfiction by **_**lindsey and marie enterprises **_**that was the rules and guidelines of living with LOTR and POTC characters. Which has inspired me to make my own list of things to do and not to do based on our writings and just common sense. I hope you enjoy it. We mostly write about LOTR and POTC so that is what the "theme" is. I do not own LOTR, POTC, or any of their characters. The original idea came from **_**lindsey and marie enterprises**_

Do not under any circumstances hide the rum from Jack. (He will chase you with a butcher knife until you tell him where it is.)

Never put pink hair dye in Legolas' shampoo and conditioner. (I did that once and he nearly killed me! Good pranking material though, as long as you're a fast runner)

Never tie little bows in Gimli's beard and let him find out it was you. (Trust me it's fun but if he finds out it's you…you may not make it out alive)

Never sing Give It To Me by Madonna in Frodo's presence. (he freaks out and yells "Not you to!")

Do not call Elizabeth "Lizzy". (she starts complaining about how Lizzy isn't a proper name for a pirate king and what not.)

Don't go trick-or-treating with Hector Barbossa or Davy Jones. (It scares the poor children and some of the adults. One guy peed his pants and he was like 40. And then you don't get any candy and almost get arrested because SOMEONE *cough*Barbossa*cough* gets angry and threatens to kill someone)

Do not, under any circumstances, steal Gandalf's hat and staff yelling "I'M A PURPLE GORILLA!" (MELODY! Melody: *hangs head in shame*)

Don't attempt to put make up on Aragorn while he's sleeping. (bad idea Emmers…. Em: I'm sorry, it was tempting! Next time control your husband Me: I WAS! He just was really pissed)

Don't introduce Will to Legolas unless all weapons are confiscated. (for obvious reasons. Lots of confusion)

**Hope you guys liked it! If you have any suggestions/ideas for rule/guidelines feel free to comment or message me about it. Please rate/comment/follow/give me coffee. 8-D**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! I do not own POTC, LOTR, or any of its characters, or Starbucks sadly. Anyway, here are some more rules and guidelines to living with LOTR and POTC. The stuff in italics is the person who sent in the idea. Enjoy.**

10\. Do not allow Shadowfax to rap in public. (For some pretty obvious reasons. _Direwolfgirl_)

11\. Never steal Jack's hat. (He's pretty attached to it. He attacked poor Frodo because he was trying it on to see what he'd look like as a pirate)

12\. Confiscate Gandalf's fireworks from him after he's had a bunch of alcohol. (It really doesn't take much for a disaster to happen in that situation. He nearly exploded Rivendell.)

13\. Never question Blackbeard in his presence. Don't even think it. (He would kill you in a quite unpleasant manner. Or torture you by playing the telletubbies song)

13\. Don't use too much sarcasm with the hobbits. They don't get it.

14\. For the love of all that's good and pure, do not take Gollum to a restaurant. (He will offend the cooks by saying it is nasty human food and get you kicked out.)

15\. Don't mention seafood around Davy Jones (he gets pretty upset)

16\. Never use text lingo/abbreviations when talking to them (ex. Ttyl, brb, ily, gtg, wtf, ect. They get really confused and it becomes more complicated than it needs to be. All I wanted to do was use the restroom…)

17\. In the name of Beren, do not use 'your mom' jokes with dwarves! (Gimli nearly tore Melody to shreds)

18\. Avoid talking about Will at all costs with Norrington. Especially if Elizabeth is also the topic of conversation. (Em "accidentally" got him mad at Will and Gandalf and I had to chase him down and confiscate his chainsaw.)

19\. Don't let Norrington have access to a chainsaw. (bad things happen)

**A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it! Again, feel free to send in any ideas you have. Please rate/follow/comment/ give me coffee…**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long, I've had school work and have been doing a lot of vacationing and haven't had time to get on. I still don't own anything. Enjoy, smiles! :D**

20\. Do not attempt to cut Thranduril's hair and die it magenta. (Bad things happen with nail filers, don't underestimate the nail file)

21\. Don't tell Davy Jones you're a friend of Jack's if you want something from him. (It's just not gonna happen. And, honestly, who wants to die? Not me.)

22\. Don't sing "It's Raining Elves" anywhere near Erebor. (Do I even have to explain this?)

23\. For your own safety, please, I shouldn't even have to tell you this, don't try and hitch a ride on an orc. (Em: hey I was getting tired and it was actually kind of fun)

24\. Don't let the Hobbits spend too much time with Jack. (His bad drinking habits tend to rub off and it'll just be weird. Although it's good black mail material sooo, in that case…)

25\. Don't take Davey Jones to a sushi restaurant (he was almost dinner, the chef was chasing him all around)

26\. If you get a new pet, don't name it after one of the characters (It gets confusing. I was trying to tell my dog to roll over and Frodo dropped to the floor and started rolling around)

**Sorry it was so short. I need more ideas, if you have any please message me or comment. Please like/follow/rate/give me a mocha.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys! It's ok, I'm not dead! I have returned from the bottomless pit of homework and vacations. I honestly haven't had any coffee in an eternity. Need...coffee...NOW! Anyway, I don't own anything. Enjoy!**

27\. Never ask Feanor to swear an oath of any kind. It always ends badly. (extracutegurl9)

28\. Don't fill the barrel of Jack's, or anyone's, pistol with peanut butter. (bad things happen and Jack will probably accuse you of almost getting him killed)

29\. Don't take them to the airport with you (you'll end up in jail…you wouldn't make it past the metal detectors and some of these guys are passionate about their weapons...)

30\. Don't let Jack get ahold of Gandalf's pipe (Gandalf gets angry and starts turning people into little froggies. And Jack…)

31\. Don't give the Elves (or the dwarves) Vodka (They don't drink a lot of alcohol other than wine so just imagine Elves and Dwarves that have drunk a lot of Vodka in the middle of Rivendell...Elrond was gone that day and wasn't very happy when he got back so….)

32\. Don't let them drink Vodka in Rivendell (Explained above)

33\. Don't call Lord Cutler Beckett a Hobbit (Boromir nearly lost his head….)

34\. Don't take a bunch of dwarves and hobbits to Panera Bread Company (or any restaurant for that matter) (we angered the other customers because between all the dwarves, hobbits, and us, we ordered the entire food supply there)

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to submit any suggestions. May the force be with you all! (I know wrong movie but what can I say I'm a geek at heart). Please rate/follow/comment/GIVE US COFFEESES PRECIOUSES! …. please?**


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